THE BIGGER PICTURE
We all have journeys we travel to get to who we are. Some of us chose our paths and had fairly smooth sailing, some have found that just surviving day to day was all we could handle, and we end up wherever things have led us. Some of us had a planned trajectory that, due to circumstances out of our control, we found ourselves right where we never would have put ourselves, but then find it to be the perfect fit!
My journey was mostly the last one. I NEVER would have thought I would be actively "momming" for more than 50 years! Don't get me wrong, I'm not quite that old, yet! But I have been at this for more than 35 years and still have a four year old at home! By the time we are done I will have had a minor child in my home for over 50 years! I think this qualifies me as an experienced mom!
Yes, I am a mom. In fact, I am "Mom" to 15 kids! One is biologically mine, three are biologically my husbands, 11 have come to us from hard places, and all 15 of them have experienced some level of traumatic circumstances. These range from losing a parent from a traumatic event, divorce, abuse(s), medical trauma and family disruption, to coming through foster care, experiencing neglect, abuse(s) abandonment, or other means of separation.
I get it! I had my own traumas as a child, yes, plural. I spent several years working hard to heal from my own past and was finally in a place where I knew I was ready and excited to help others do the same. Read my previous page and below to learn more.
My first husband was a juvenile probation officer and we had many opportunities to work with these kids, and host a few in our home. Then, 23 years ago my first husband died in a tragic traffic accident, this left my young son with trauma and loss, and myself dealing with new traumas and loss. But this time I had tools! I had hope! I had a way to overcome!
Within a short time I married my first husbands best friend, and his three kids. An instant family of six, with four kids! My new eldest son, (whom I had often had on weekends since he was 2, but that's another story) was born with special needs and cognition problems. He also had a heart that was compassionate and huge! He, being extremely friendly, began to bring home homeless teens he met at school, or any kids that needed a meal.
Soon, I was in a position to begin helping in a way I had not anticipated, "guardianships", but quickly learned was very needed! We opened our home to kids and families in need. I had had no idea there was such a big need right in my own community previously, but our house was always very full! Some of these kiddos were even from family members who found themselves in various kinds of trouble and needed guardians for their children at different times.
Most of those who came through our doors stayed a short time and returned home or moved on as adults! But, not all of them left. The rest of our kids are from hard places that have included many trials, troubles and traumas, causing them to need additional supports, guardians/parents (us), and a stable forever home environment. So, rather quickly we grew to a family with ten kids!
We thought that was it! Nine was plenty! We were quite content! But this was not yet the full plan laid out for us.
Rather unexpectedly in early 2015, we became the legal custodians of two boys, out of a sibling group of six. These weren't just any two kids. These were the children of that eldest son with a big heart and cognition issues. These were our grandkids!
Over the next three years we would become the foster placement of the youngest three of these 6 kids, and finally, we would become their permanent home as their legal Guardians. Guardianship through the state of Washington, where they came from, is permanent. (Idaho is not.) It is very much like adoption until the age of 18, with the parents still having very limited visitation and rights, but still being held financially responsible.
Wow, what a shift in our way of life... we had become comfy as empty nesters, now we had 5 more kids, two in diapers and cribs, and special needs to boot! It was quite the learning curve and took a ton of adjustment, butwe were prayerfully confident it was the right thing to do under the circumstances, and will be more than worth it in the long run! AND, this gave us our 15 kids!
But, the story does not just end.... we have at least 14 years left of kiddos in the house, and I found myself ear deep in the foster world and loving the community! SO, I went to work helping out!
Now I work with other foster families and those looking to become foster parents! Our hearts go out to these kiddos. I co-train those becoming foster parents, and families with relative placements, and I also am a Resource Peer Mentor, coming along side those who provide foster care. I love it! I wasn't looking for any of this, it was not on my radar, but it's perfect! It fills me!
I'm not some super woman, or a saint, I'm just the mom next door, your neighbor, your friend, your co-worker.... I'm you! Yes, YOU could be a foster-parent too! We need more families to help these hurting children and teens. There is hope for healing! There are tools and resources and therapies, that coupled together with compassion, care and consistency can allow for healing and a bright future for these hurting kids!! So, join me! If you already have, GOOD JOB! If your interested, reach out!
I hope you find help and refreshment here! I plan, between wifying, momming, working, homeschooling the young 5, and everything else, to add tips, helps, resource links and inspiration here! In fact, my motto is Weathering Life's Storms and Living to ShineOn, and my Mission is to SHINE ON, or Share, Help, Inspire, Nurture and Encourage Others Now!
Keep up the good work, EVERYONE is worth the effort and has a purpose to fulfill, and YOU can be a part of it!
Blessings,
Raini and Doug Bowles, and the whole Bowles bunch!
APRIL 2021 UPDATE- The kids have grown, healed and are doing so well! At least for the most part. We now have some concrete diagnosis to put with some of the behaviors and learning issues we face with at least one kiddo, it was not all trauma as originally believed.
It's not easy, all five have some things to work through, one will forever be dealing with some brain injury issues, one has some genetic anomalies that create some havoc with everyday life and HIGH anxiety, and then we have the kiddo with the most impacting issues stemming from things like ADHD, SCD-the kissing cousin to ASD (Autism), metabolic issues, sensory issues, processing disorders, behavioral disorders, vision issues, speech and communication issues, OCD... the list goes on... Some of the kids have pain disorders, some are sensory, and at least two are gifted. It's enough to impact every moment of the day in some way, and occasionally a good portion of the night too.
I'm doing more speaking now, and enjoying the warm weather!! I'm walking beside you through this journey, and I feel your joys, let downs, triumphs and disappointments! Yes, I have those feelings too!
Keep going.... some days will be sunny and others will have rain, on occasion we might even have a storm or two. We can get through it, we just need to keep our bearings and focus, and grab for the life-lines we are thrown along the way!
Raini and the 5 youngest kids on the Oregon Coast, Spring 2021.
Update August 2023
The storms keep coming!
In January Doug had back surgery for an injury last fall. It went well, but the damage to his spinal cord was serious and he is now an incomplete paraplegic. He has limited, spotty feeling from the waist down. Thankfully, truly we are thankful to God, that he is still able to walk, even if some days its barely an amble. AND thankful that his machines are all handcontrols already! We are adjusting to this new life and some days all he can do is sit and wait to feel better, other days he is ip and working almost like normal!
February Raini's brothers wife, Pammi passed
March our grandson Christopher, who was NOT placed with us when the others were, committed suicide and 12 days later we donated his organs.
April is when we got the news that Doug's recvoery was now classified as incomplete paraplegic
May Doug's mom sold her home and moved in with us. NOT a sad thing, but a life change all the same!
June Raini's mom became suddenly ill with bacterial meningitis and passed away 18 days later.
July we had the celebration of my mom just days ago. What a year so far! I hope it gets better!
August L got her first wheelchair. She is 9 years old, turning 10 next month. Now to get a diagnosis!
The storms keep coming!
In January Doug had back surgery for an injury last fall. It went well, but the damage to his spinal cord was serious and he is now an incomplete paraplegic. He has limited, spotty feeling from the waist down. Thankfully, truly we are thankful to God, that he is still able to walk, even if some days its barely an amble. AND thankful that his machines are all handcontrols already! We are adjusting to this new life and some days all he can do is sit and wait to feel better, other days he is ip and working almost like normal!
February Raini's brothers wife, Pammi passed
March our grandson Christopher, who was NOT placed with us when the others were, committed suicide and 12 days later we donated his organs.
April is when we got the news that Doug's recvoery was now classified as incomplete paraplegic
May Doug's mom sold her home and moved in with us. NOT a sad thing, but a life change all the same!
June Raini's mom became suddenly ill with bacterial meningitis and passed away 18 days later.
July we had the celebration of my mom just days ago. What a year so far! I hope it gets better!
August L got her first wheelchair. She is 9 years old, turning 10 next month. Now to get a diagnosis!
April 2024 update
Even in the midst of the storms, we know God is in control and watching over us! He sustains us!
I really thought we would have a dry spell and things would calm. NOPE!
September Raini and the oldest GC traveled to Seattle for a FEMA training he had been accepted for. Dacen & Harley got married!!!
October it was too much for him. The return to Seattle after his older brothers suicide and the time spent in Seattle at the ICU along with all the other losses of 2023 were too much and this top notch academic exceller could not keep it together emotionally and he has ended up hospitalized. Crushing.
November still hospitalized But news that Dacen and Harley are pregnant!
December Still hospitalized but moved to more acute care. This has been hard for all of us. Greiving this path for him. News on Christmas eve- It's a boy! Also news that Raini's dad has cancer. Skin cancer on his ear so surgery Feb 6th.
Christmas day- more news- theres a mass on placenta this will be a high risk pregnancy.
January- 10yr old and Raini travel to genetics in Seattle for the 2nd time. This time we come back with a diagnosis of PJHSD or Pediatric Hypermobile Spectrum Disorder or kids Ehlers Danlos. Suspected for all four of the other kids but pediatrician can diagnose now that it's confirmed.
February Rainis dad has surgery on skin spot. All looks good! However as the month progresses he takes a few falls, his first and hurts his shoulder.
March 5th- Raini took dad in for shoulder after more falls and we learn he has terminal, aggressive metastatic liver cancer. He goes home shell shocked on hospice.
March 19th Dad is gone, just that fast. all the kids have been confirmed with the EDS. AND now D1 and D3 have Autism 1 diagnosis as well. So hEDS and Autism 1 seems to be across the board or some very closely related diagnosis for all 5 kids! HUGE!
April- baby comes early, quick stay in NICU but home in two days weighing just 5lbs 2 oz! Such a little tiny guy!
Even in the midst of the storms, we know God is in control and watching over us! He sustains us!
I really thought we would have a dry spell and things would calm. NOPE!
September Raini and the oldest GC traveled to Seattle for a FEMA training he had been accepted for. Dacen & Harley got married!!!
October it was too much for him. The return to Seattle after his older brothers suicide and the time spent in Seattle at the ICU along with all the other losses of 2023 were too much and this top notch academic exceller could not keep it together emotionally and he has ended up hospitalized. Crushing.
November still hospitalized But news that Dacen and Harley are pregnant!
December Still hospitalized but moved to more acute care. This has been hard for all of us. Greiving this path for him. News on Christmas eve- It's a boy! Also news that Raini's dad has cancer. Skin cancer on his ear so surgery Feb 6th.
Christmas day- more news- theres a mass on placenta this will be a high risk pregnancy.
January- 10yr old and Raini travel to genetics in Seattle for the 2nd time. This time we come back with a diagnosis of PJHSD or Pediatric Hypermobile Spectrum Disorder or kids Ehlers Danlos. Suspected for all four of the other kids but pediatrician can diagnose now that it's confirmed.
February Rainis dad has surgery on skin spot. All looks good! However as the month progresses he takes a few falls, his first and hurts his shoulder.
March 5th- Raini took dad in for shoulder after more falls and we learn he has terminal, aggressive metastatic liver cancer. He goes home shell shocked on hospice.
March 19th Dad is gone, just that fast. all the kids have been confirmed with the EDS. AND now D1 and D3 have Autism 1 diagnosis as well. So hEDS and Autism 1 seems to be across the board or some very closely related diagnosis for all 5 kids! HUGE!
April- baby comes early, quick stay in NICU but home in two days weighing just 5lbs 2 oz! Such a little tiny guy!